Now I reach graduation, a time to celebrate, and an elaborate opening of the mind, and there is nothing left to do but continue my daily runs outside and scrounge around for some online writing work. I actually found myself thanking God that I have the freedom to choose my own books to read at this time. Like reading is some sort of vacation for my mind. I know that there is plenty to do, but I am almost as frightened as the rest of the world to enter traditional society. There is nothing normal at all about what we have to do, and everything sits right here in front of me on this computer screen as I hear my fingers pounding scrupulously on the keyboard.
I even went out to the living room to get a book off the shelf that I haven’t read in years. One of my favorite books in the world. A book from my favorite author. And it sits here at my side as I keep typing away trying to vomit all of my thoughts out onto the computer in place of any possible conversations that would be had in meetings, dinners, outing, or any simple sort of gathering place where there may be some random stranger to talk to.
Life is empty. That is the plain and simple of things for most all of us right now. I sit here in my house and there is nothing more than the sound of the TV in the background almost 24/7, with the snoring of my dog and the ridiculous, loud cars and trucks flying up and down my street. And I live in a relatively small neighborhood.
The frustration and stress have reached the point where I find myself yelling at those drivers! I have nothing else to focus my attention on, so they are the one thing that is able to piss me off to no end. I am near explosion. And there have to be millions of people at much worse levels than I am. So many questions remain for all of us. We have seen some governors try to suddenly get the economies of their states running again, but there is an overwhelming risk that scares me even more.
I think back over the past few years of Trump’s presidency and the thousands of lies that come out of his mouth on a weekly basis, now wondering what has been among this sludge we have faced for the past four months or so. It’s been an even worse political battle than the health pandemic that it honestly is. The true health concerns of our citizens have fallen way behind worries about the stock market, agreements with China, the wall at Mexico, and other valuable needs for his political campaign. There was NEVER a national movement to require a shutdown or closing of businesses and public locations.
For weeks after notification of the first cases, so many of them kept saying that it was still safe to go sit at bars and roam freely about cities. Despite professional medical researchers and doctors expressing complete fear due to the results of this virus, many of our national leaders simply brush it off.
And then there is the question of the Defense Production Act that continued to be pushed back for several weeks, even after Trump repeatedly said he “put it in place.” It may have been signed and been ready, but it was definitely never fucking enacted! Not until March 27th. It is so hard, even painful to listen to the news reported timeline of this pandemic within the United States, much less think about what it has done to so many other countries around the world.
Suddenly, we have become the largest portion of the worldwide cases and deaths from Coronavirus. And it took the president until almost the last day in March to actually tell the American public the truth of the danger of this disease as he lashed out on television in his daily briefings. But other than that it was like an argument against one party after another as being the people at fault for our struggles with the virus. It was everything from governors to earlier presidential administrations, Democrats, and the Chinese. The Chinese who he had previously appreciated for their honesty and openness in sending information to our country. Always the guilt and blame, along with the responsibility to care for patients and the disease fell upon others. And the national government was basically just standing there to bitch openly about everything that they didn’t want to believe.